Double-Digits

We've been logged in 10 months today! Ten down, how many to go?? That's the big question!

Just how many months left and why the heck is it taking so long - those are probably our two most asked questions lately. While there isn't really a cut and dry answer to this, we'll do our best to try and explain it.

First, here is what we do know - the current wait has gone up to 20 months. The most recent group of referrals were for families that were logged in between 11/8/05 and 11/14/05 (our LID is 9/12/06). The wait has gradually increased a little every month for over a year now. The word from most agencies is that the wait will likely hit the two year mark by this December. There are many reasons for this increase (we like to call it "the perfect storm"), but what it comes down to is there aren't enough children who are "paper ready". To be clear, there are still plenty of children needing homes, just not enough that have their paperwork ready for adoption. Another bit of speculation is that with the upcoming 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing, China would like the rest of the world to think that there has been a decrease in baby abandonment in their country.

There are many more things that could be influencing the wait, but these are the two with the most validity. "Why does it take so long?" is a difficult question to answer briefly because of the complexity of the issues involved, but our "in a nutshell" response might be that China just isn't doing a very good job of keeping up with the number of families waiting to be matched with a child... plain and simple. So, if you'd like to delve deeper into the China adoption rumor world, check out this link. This is a site that we frequent daily to keep up on all the latest and greatest.

There was a time when we thought we'd be traveling to China late this fall, now we are hoping to see Anna's sweet face by the end of next year. Our continued prayer is that there is a speed up in the process and that all the waiting children and families can be united sooner than they thought.

We are heading out tomorrow afternoon for a weekend of camping. Hope you all have a great weekend - enjoy the beautiful weather!

Love,
Greg and Laura

Preparing for Rain

When it came to thinking about the nursery, when to start became a subject of much debate. To be honest, at first it was a little hard to feel too enthusiastic about getting the nursery ready when we began to see what was happening with the wait times. One thing's for sure, we didn't want to have a completed nursery and be staring at it for a year or more with no Anna. We heard varying opinions from people who had endured a lengthy wait with an adoption. Some people said to work on the nursery now... others advised that we wait. And there were definitely those times when we didn't want to even think about it -- just let the room sit as it was until we could at least see a speck of light at the end of the tunnel.

Then we recalled a scene from a little movie that came out last year called 'Facing the Giants'. They didn't exactly roll out the red carpet for this one, so many of you may not have heard of it. It was actually made by a church in Georgia. Our understanding is that the writing, directing, acting, film editing, even the camera-work were all done by members of this one church. If you haven't seen it, we recommend that you check it out on video. The acting probably won't win any Oscars, but it delivers a very powerful and inspiring message.

The main character is a high school football coach who is feeling like nothing is going his way. In this pivotal scene of the movie, the coach is sitting in his office when he is visited by a somewhat mysterious character, Mr. Bridges, who walks the hallways of the Christian school, praying for the students as he touches each of their lockers. Knowing that Coach Taylor is feeling dejected, he decides to tell him a parable about two farmers who both pray for rain. One just prays and waits for the rain hopefully, the other not only prays and waits for it, but he also prepares his fields to receive the rain. The question he posed to the coach..."Which farmer are you?".

So, which one is truly trusting God? We realized that we weren't demonstrating that kind of faith with the adoption. Faith isn't frantically tilling your fields when you see the rain clouds rolling in. True faith is working the soil even though you're in the middle of a drought and there's no relief in sight. So we decided that even though the forecast isn't favorable for that packet to arrive on our doorstep anytime soon, it was time to start preparing for Anna.

Even so, we didn't want to go gangbusters with the nursery and end up twiddling our thumbs for two, maybe three years... so we're pacing ourselves.

It's been a little while ago that we picked out the bedding, which was a gift from Laura's mom and grandma. We decided that this would most likely establish the theme for our room, so we thought it might be a good place to start. We knew we wanted something cheerful, and ended up finding just the thing with brightly colored flowers and flies of the butter and dragon variety. :)

The bedding provided our color pallet for the walls. It might be hard to see in the picture below but our main color is a subtle green called Soft Reflection. To mix it up a bit we painted one of the walls a pale yellow (Blazing Star) and added a touch of pink (Cotton Candy) in the little cubby-like entryway to the room.

One of our favorite things about the nursery is the furniture that we're using. The dresser and bookcase in the pictures below were Laura's when she was a baby, and we were very happy when Laura's mom suggested that we use them for Anna's room. The pieces need a little work, so we plan on refinishing them and found some knobs to give the dresser a little update. We picked up a pair of lamps and a new light fixture to tie in the brushed nickel knobs on the dresser.










We went several months ago to start looking at cribs (a gift from Greg's mom) and found one that we really liked. This is something that we haven't quite pulled the trigger on yet, but we are ready to buy and maybe just leave it in the box for a little while before it gets put together... looking at an empty crib for too long might be more than we can take!

Of course the closet is already pretty full with clothes for lil' miss thang as well.

Anyway, thought you guys might want to have a sneak peek at the nursery. We will send out periodic updates as construction continues.

Love,
Greg and Laura

We're heading out of town early Thursday morning for a couple of days, so we probably won't have time for a post this week. Have a good one!!

Making the Turn... (sort of)

Today is our 9 month LID anniversary! Can't believe we've hit the 9 month mark. This time last year the wait was about 10 months... unfortunately the current wait is 19 months and climbing. The CCAA has just made referrals for families logged in through Nov. 7, 2005. We spoke with our agency coordinator last week...she was still hopeful that we might get our referral by the end of next year... we hope so too!! All we can really do is continue to faithfully wait and pray for that day.

Hope you all have a great week!

"Pardon me??" - Adoption Etiquette Part II

As promised, for this post we've compiled a few of the most common inappropriate and/or insensitive questions & comments that adoptive parents often hear. A few we have already experienced personally, others we've just heard about.

Here is our list of things NOT to say:

"How much did she/he cost?"
This question makes it sound like your child is a commodity, not a human being. Children are not possessions to be bought and sold. The costs associated with adoption are for the numerous governmental/agency fees and expenses that are necessary to complete the adoption. The truth of the matter is, any question about cost is inappropriate in the first place... After all, you wouldn't ask someone how much their C-section cost, would you? That said, if you are thinking about adopting a child yourself, there's no harm in asking someone about the agency they used and their fee schedule. But please don't ask someone how much their kid cost them.

"Do you know anything about her/his real parents?"
Any question or comment referring to a child's "real" mother or father is bound to offend any adoptive parent. After all, he or she is the one raising the child, and feels as real a parent as any other.

"Where did you get her/him?"
Even though most people who ask this are doing so only out of curiosity, this question is not posed in a way that would be appreciated by a parent.

"Now that you've adopted, you'll probably get pregnant."
This is one of the most annoying comments for couples to hear. First, it suggests that adoption is only a means to an end, not a happy and successful end in itself. Second, it simply isn't true... just a ridiculous myth. No one is saying it hasn't happened, but studies reveal that the rate for achieving pregnancy after adopting is the same as for those who do not adopt (taken from the RESOLVE website).

"Don't you still wish you could have children of your own?"
She is our own. Did you have any other questions? :)

"She/he is so lucky to have you."
This may seem like a harmless comment at first, but consider how it might make the child feel if she/he were old enough to understand. Every child deserves loving parents and a safe home. Hopefully, every adopted child can have that. Children are always a blessing. It's the parents who are the lucky ones!

Of course this list could go on and on, but we'll just leave you with that little sampling for now. Obviously, the chance of encountering such comments and questions increases when you are a "conspicuous family", meaning that your child(ren) are of a different race or ethnicity. Please remember that there is nothing wrong with having questions about how adoption works. The key is to make sure that what you say doesn't insinuate anything negative about the adoptive relationship.

Hopefully these last couple of posts have shed some light on an important topic. Thanks for taking the time to read them!

Take care,
Greg & Laura

P.S. By the way, rugs and vases are oriental... people are Asian.

"Say WHAT?!!" - Adoption Etiquette Part I

Over the past three years, through our many hours of researching adoption, we have learned a lot... including the use of proper language when speaking about adoption.

We feel this is a very important topic, and so we wanted to share with you the following article from ADOPTIVE FAMILIES magazine, titled "Positive Adoption Language".

The way we talk -- and the words we choose -- say a lot about what we think and value. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption is a way to build a family just as birth is. Both are important but one is not more important than the other.

Choose the following positive adoption language instead of the negative talk that helps perpetuate the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language, you'll reflect the true nature of adoption, free of innuendo.

Negative - Real parent
Positive - Birthparent

Negative - Natural parent
Positive - Biological parent

Negative - Own child
Positive - Birth child

Negative - Foreign adoption
Positive - Intercountry adoption

Negative - An Unwanted child
Positive - Child placed for adoption

Negative - Handicapped child
Positive - Child with special needs

Negative - Foreign child
Positive - Child from abroad

Negative - Is adopted
Positive - Was adopted

Words not only convey facts, they also evoke feelings. When a TV movie talks about a "custody battle" between "real parents" and "other parents ", society gets the wrong impression that only birthparents are real parents and that adoptive parents aren't real parents. Members of society may also wrongly conclude that all adoptions are "battles".

Positive adoption language can stop the spread of misconceptions such as these. By using positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption. We choose emotionally "correct" words over emotionally-laden words. We speak and write in positive adoption language with the hopes of impacting others so that this language will someday become the norm.

We hope this post has helped with some of the "do's" and "don'ts" when talking about adoption. In our next post we will go over some of the insensitive and inappropriate comments and questions that parents of adopted children, and the children themselves, sometimes face.

Just Survivin'

We just heard that the next season of Survivor will be in China! We haven't watched in a few years, but will have to catch the upcoming Fall season for sure!

We are headed out of town for the weekend... have a good one!

8 is Enough

Today is our 8 month LID anniversary! We're almost to the double digit mark! The next group of referrals should be sent in the next few weeks, so we'll update the wait time then.

Have a great weekend everybody!!

Congrats to the soon-to-be parents!!!

Our friends Joel and Misty got the amazing news yesterday that this August they'll be the proud parents of a baby boy!! How exciting!! We are so happy for them and can't wait to meet the new little guy. Check out their blog (we have a link on the right) for all the details of their life-changing day!

One year ago today...

We had our first home study visit. It's hard to believe it's actually been a year! We can only hope the next year or so goes by just as quick!! Yep, I said year or so...meaning the wait time is once again on the rise. This week the CCAA sent out referrals for those families with a LID between October 27th & November 1st 2005 (reminder, our LID is 9/12/06).

This time last year, as we were beginning our paperwork, the wait was about 10 months...now the current wait time is about 18...and climbing. Rumor has it that the wait will climb to 24-36 months!! YIKES!! Not sure where we'll fall in that estimate, but if current trends continue, we're probably looking at December 2008. When we decided it was time to start our family in 2002, we never imagined the journey would be this long, but we are beginning to come to terms with this reality and are determined stay positive while we wait.

Here is a great quote that we try to keep in mind:

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

Grab a hanky...

We found this video on another website and just had to share it with you all. It is a song written by Steven Curtis Chapman, a Christian artist, for his three daughters that he adopted from China. He and his wife have also created an organization called Shaohannah's Hope which is a great resource for anyone interested in adopting.

Hope you enjoy the video...

Bottom of the 7th...

"The Mick"

Another month under our belts! And a fast one, at that!! Now for your monthly referral update:

While we've waited another month, the wait for referrals has also increased by another month. Unfortunately the CCAA only matched 2 days worth of LIDs this time around, they have now referred babies to families whose log in dates are through October 26, 2005. These families waited approximately 17 months for their referral.

Seems like forever away, but we know we'll get there when we're supposed to. So, hang in there with us... It looks like we're headed for extra innings.

Greg & Laura

The Journey

The journey of infertility is a long and difficult one. Each couple that faces this heartbreaking realization in their life has their own unique experience to share. Resolution can come in many different ways, yet there are undoubtedly some common themes that every couple can identify with. We came across a video that does a beautiful job of expressing what many people endure while on their journey to become parents.

Though we have found our path... the path that God made for us, we wanted to share this touching video with all of you. For anyone out there that might be facing similar circumstances... and are struggling for direction, we encourage you to keep praying and hold on to the hope that you will find the way.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your path straight.--- Proverbs 3:5-6

Click on the link below to watch the video (there is music, and you may have to do some scrolling to see some of the words, or change your setting to "Full Screen" - try your F11 key when the video comes up or click Tools, Full Screen).
Empty Arms Video Link

The Name Game - Part Deux

A while back we brought up the subject of a name for our daughter ("The Name Game" posted on 10/5/06). Sorry to keep you all waiting for so long, but we're finally ready to reveal the name we've chosen...

When we first started talking about names several months ago, we did like a lot of couples and got a baby name book. We didn't even get through the A's and we came across a name that we both really fell in love with. Of course we continued through the rest of the book in search of other names that might be possibilities, but never found anything quite as perfect as our original pick. A beautiful name with a beautiful meaning, we think. And that name is Anna.

We especially love the meaning of Anna, which is "grace". We also liked that it is a variation of Laura's middle name, Ann. We're still discussing middle names, so you'll just have to wait a little bit longer for that. :) We'll keep you posted...

Love,
Anna's Parents-to-be

Not Gold Medal Gymnasts

Six months now we've been logged in... waiting for the day that packet comes in the mail and we are matched with the little girl in our dreams. We're resting easy, because it'll still be a while...

Doing the math, the most recent recipients of their referral packets had waited a cool 16 months(it was 10-12 when we were first logged in). Like an incredible growing monster (ok, maybe a bit dramatic), in the last month the wait has increased by another 2 weeks. As we've mentioned before, what we're up against is a backlog created by a flood of applicants when the wait time was very short (only six months in the Fall of '05).

Just to be clear, there is in no way a shortage of orphaned children in China as we've heard people say... just a shortage of children who are "paper ready". Bureaucracy (the REAL monster) rearing it's ugly head, and meanwhile children and families wait to be united. There is also speculation that the upcoming Olympics, which are in Beijing in 2008, are playing a role in the slowdown. Hard to imagine, but if this trend continues we may be flirting with the '08 Summer Games. With Beijing already being one of the world's most populous cities, I don't believe we want any part of that madness.

Your prayers are appreciated.

Greg & Laura (not gold medal gymnasts)