Preparing for Rain

When it came to thinking about the nursery, when to start became a subject of much debate. To be honest, at first it was a little hard to feel too enthusiastic about getting the nursery ready when we began to see what was happening with the wait times. One thing's for sure, we didn't want to have a completed nursery and be staring at it for a year or more with no Anna. We heard varying opinions from people who had endured a lengthy wait with an adoption. Some people said to work on the nursery now... others advised that we wait. And there were definitely those times when we didn't want to even think about it -- just let the room sit as it was until we could at least see a speck of light at the end of the tunnel.

Then we recalled a scene from a little movie that came out last year called 'Facing the Giants'. They didn't exactly roll out the red carpet for this one, so many of you may not have heard of it. It was actually made by a church in Georgia. Our understanding is that the writing, directing, acting, film editing, even the camera-work were all done by members of this one church. If you haven't seen it, we recommend that you check it out on video. The acting probably won't win any Oscars, but it delivers a very powerful and inspiring message.

The main character is a high school football coach who is feeling like nothing is going his way. In this pivotal scene of the movie, the coach is sitting in his office when he is visited by a somewhat mysterious character, Mr. Bridges, who walks the hallways of the Christian school, praying for the students as he touches each of their lockers. Knowing that Coach Taylor is feeling dejected, he decides to tell him a parable about two farmers who both pray for rain. One just prays and waits for the rain hopefully, the other not only prays and waits for it, but he also prepares his fields to receive the rain. The question he posed to the coach..."Which farmer are you?".

So, which one is truly trusting God? We realized that we weren't demonstrating that kind of faith with the adoption. Faith isn't frantically tilling your fields when you see the rain clouds rolling in. True faith is working the soil even though you're in the middle of a drought and there's no relief in sight. So we decided that even though the forecast isn't favorable for that packet to arrive on our doorstep anytime soon, it was time to start preparing for Anna.

Even so, we didn't want to go gangbusters with the nursery and end up twiddling our thumbs for two, maybe three years... so we're pacing ourselves.

It's been a little while ago that we picked out the bedding, which was a gift from Laura's mom and grandma. We decided that this would most likely establish the theme for our room, so we thought it might be a good place to start. We knew we wanted something cheerful, and ended up finding just the thing with brightly colored flowers and flies of the butter and dragon variety. :)

The bedding provided our color pallet for the walls. It might be hard to see in the picture below but our main color is a subtle green called Soft Reflection. To mix it up a bit we painted one of the walls a pale yellow (Blazing Star) and added a touch of pink (Cotton Candy) in the little cubby-like entryway to the room.

One of our favorite things about the nursery is the furniture that we're using. The dresser and bookcase in the pictures below were Laura's when she was a baby, and we were very happy when Laura's mom suggested that we use them for Anna's room. The pieces need a little work, so we plan on refinishing them and found some knobs to give the dresser a little update. We picked up a pair of lamps and a new light fixture to tie in the brushed nickel knobs on the dresser.










We went several months ago to start looking at cribs (a gift from Greg's mom) and found one that we really liked. This is something that we haven't quite pulled the trigger on yet, but we are ready to buy and maybe just leave it in the box for a little while before it gets put together... looking at an empty crib for too long might be more than we can take!

Of course the closet is already pretty full with clothes for lil' miss thang as well.

Anyway, thought you guys might want to have a sneak peek at the nursery. We will send out periodic updates as construction continues.

Love,
Greg and Laura

We're heading out of town early Thursday morning for a couple of days, so we probably won't have time for a post this week. Have a good one!!

Making the Turn... (sort of)

Today is our 9 month LID anniversary! Can't believe we've hit the 9 month mark. This time last year the wait was about 10 months... unfortunately the current wait is 19 months and climbing. The CCAA has just made referrals for families logged in through Nov. 7, 2005. We spoke with our agency coordinator last week...she was still hopeful that we might get our referral by the end of next year... we hope so too!! All we can really do is continue to faithfully wait and pray for that day.

Hope you all have a great week!

"Pardon me??" - Adoption Etiquette Part II

As promised, for this post we've compiled a few of the most common inappropriate and/or insensitive questions & comments that adoptive parents often hear. A few we have already experienced personally, others we've just heard about.

Here is our list of things NOT to say:

"How much did she/he cost?"
This question makes it sound like your child is a commodity, not a human being. Children are not possessions to be bought and sold. The costs associated with adoption are for the numerous governmental/agency fees and expenses that are necessary to complete the adoption. The truth of the matter is, any question about cost is inappropriate in the first place... After all, you wouldn't ask someone how much their C-section cost, would you? That said, if you are thinking about adopting a child yourself, there's no harm in asking someone about the agency they used and their fee schedule. But please don't ask someone how much their kid cost them.

"Do you know anything about her/his real parents?"
Any question or comment referring to a child's "real" mother or father is bound to offend any adoptive parent. After all, he or she is the one raising the child, and feels as real a parent as any other.

"Where did you get her/him?"
Even though most people who ask this are doing so only out of curiosity, this question is not posed in a way that would be appreciated by a parent.

"Now that you've adopted, you'll probably get pregnant."
This is one of the most annoying comments for couples to hear. First, it suggests that adoption is only a means to an end, not a happy and successful end in itself. Second, it simply isn't true... just a ridiculous myth. No one is saying it hasn't happened, but studies reveal that the rate for achieving pregnancy after adopting is the same as for those who do not adopt (taken from the RESOLVE website).

"Don't you still wish you could have children of your own?"
She is our own. Did you have any other questions? :)

"She/he is so lucky to have you."
This may seem like a harmless comment at first, but consider how it might make the child feel if she/he were old enough to understand. Every child deserves loving parents and a safe home. Hopefully, every adopted child can have that. Children are always a blessing. It's the parents who are the lucky ones!

Of course this list could go on and on, but we'll just leave you with that little sampling for now. Obviously, the chance of encountering such comments and questions increases when you are a "conspicuous family", meaning that your child(ren) are of a different race or ethnicity. Please remember that there is nothing wrong with having questions about how adoption works. The key is to make sure that what you say doesn't insinuate anything negative about the adoptive relationship.

Hopefully these last couple of posts have shed some light on an important topic. Thanks for taking the time to read them!

Take care,
Greg & Laura

P.S. By the way, rugs and vases are oriental... people are Asian.

"Say WHAT?!!" - Adoption Etiquette Part I

Over the past three years, through our many hours of researching adoption, we have learned a lot... including the use of proper language when speaking about adoption.

We feel this is a very important topic, and so we wanted to share with you the following article from ADOPTIVE FAMILIES magazine, titled "Positive Adoption Language".

The way we talk -- and the words we choose -- say a lot about what we think and value. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption is a way to build a family just as birth is. Both are important but one is not more important than the other.

Choose the following positive adoption language instead of the negative talk that helps perpetuate the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language, you'll reflect the true nature of adoption, free of innuendo.

Negative - Real parent
Positive - Birthparent

Negative - Natural parent
Positive - Biological parent

Negative - Own child
Positive - Birth child

Negative - Foreign adoption
Positive - Intercountry adoption

Negative - An Unwanted child
Positive - Child placed for adoption

Negative - Handicapped child
Positive - Child with special needs

Negative - Foreign child
Positive - Child from abroad

Negative - Is adopted
Positive - Was adopted

Words not only convey facts, they also evoke feelings. When a TV movie talks about a "custody battle" between "real parents" and "other parents ", society gets the wrong impression that only birthparents are real parents and that adoptive parents aren't real parents. Members of society may also wrongly conclude that all adoptions are "battles".

Positive adoption language can stop the spread of misconceptions such as these. By using positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption. We choose emotionally "correct" words over emotionally-laden words. We speak and write in positive adoption language with the hopes of impacting others so that this language will someday become the norm.

We hope this post has helped with some of the "do's" and "don'ts" when talking about adoption. In our next post we will go over some of the insensitive and inappropriate comments and questions that parents of adopted children, and the children themselves, sometimes face.