Great Information

Missy and Brad have a great link on their blog to some articles about dealing with infertility through the holiday season. Here is the direct link to the articles put out by Resolve (the National Infertility Association).

Have a good weekend.

Adoption Documentary

I found a video that documents a family's journey to China to adopt their daughter. It's about 10 minutes long, but it's a great video. Just click on the link below...Hope you enjoy!

Journey for Jenna

"Pardon me??" - Adoption Etiquette Part II

As promised, for this post we've compiled a few of the most common inappropriate and/or insensitive questions & comments that adoptive parents often hear. A few we have already experienced personally, others we've just heard about.

Here is our list of things NOT to say:

"How much did she/he cost?"
This question makes it sound like your child is a commodity, not a human being. Children are not possessions to be bought and sold. The costs associated with adoption are for the numerous governmental/agency fees and expenses that are necessary to complete the adoption. The truth of the matter is, any question about cost is inappropriate in the first place... After all, you wouldn't ask someone how much their C-section cost, would you? That said, if you are thinking about adopting a child yourself, there's no harm in asking someone about the agency they used and their fee schedule. But please don't ask someone how much their kid cost them.

"Do you know anything about her/his real parents?"
Any question or comment referring to a child's "real" mother or father is bound to offend any adoptive parent. After all, he or she is the one raising the child, and feels as real a parent as any other.

"Where did you get her/him?"
Even though most people who ask this are doing so only out of curiosity, this question is not posed in a way that would be appreciated by a parent.

"Now that you've adopted, you'll probably get pregnant."
This is one of the most annoying comments for couples to hear. First, it suggests that adoption is only a means to an end, not a happy and successful end in itself. Second, it simply isn't true... just a ridiculous myth. No one is saying it hasn't happened, but studies reveal that the rate for achieving pregnancy after adopting is the same as for those who do not adopt (taken from the RESOLVE website).

"Don't you still wish you could have children of your own?"
She is our own. Did you have any other questions? :)

"She/he is so lucky to have you."
This may seem like a harmless comment at first, but consider how it might make the child feel if she/he were old enough to understand. Every child deserves loving parents and a safe home. Hopefully, every adopted child can have that. Children are always a blessing. It's the parents who are the lucky ones!

Of course this list could go on and on, but we'll just leave you with that little sampling for now. Obviously, the chance of encountering such comments and questions increases when you are a "conspicuous family", meaning that your child(ren) are of a different race or ethnicity. Please remember that there is nothing wrong with having questions about how adoption works. The key is to make sure that what you say doesn't insinuate anything negative about the adoptive relationship.

Hopefully these last couple of posts have shed some light on an important topic. Thanks for taking the time to read them!

Take care,
Greg & Laura

P.S. By the way, rugs and vases are oriental... people are Asian.

"Say WHAT?!!" - Adoption Etiquette Part I

Over the past three years, through our many hours of researching adoption, we have learned a lot... including the use of proper language when speaking about adoption.

We feel this is a very important topic, and so we wanted to share with you the following article from ADOPTIVE FAMILIES magazine, titled "Positive Adoption Language".

The way we talk -- and the words we choose -- say a lot about what we think and value. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption is a way to build a family just as birth is. Both are important but one is not more important than the other.

Choose the following positive adoption language instead of the negative talk that helps perpetuate the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language, you'll reflect the true nature of adoption, free of innuendo.

Negative - Real parent
Positive - Birthparent

Negative - Natural parent
Positive - Biological parent

Negative - Own child
Positive - Birth child

Negative - Foreign adoption
Positive - Intercountry adoption

Negative - An Unwanted child
Positive - Child placed for adoption

Negative - Handicapped child
Positive - Child with special needs

Negative - Foreign child
Positive - Child from abroad

Negative - Is adopted
Positive - Was adopted

Words not only convey facts, they also evoke feelings. When a TV movie talks about a "custody battle" between "real parents" and "other parents ", society gets the wrong impression that only birthparents are real parents and that adoptive parents aren't real parents. Members of society may also wrongly conclude that all adoptions are "battles".

Positive adoption language can stop the spread of misconceptions such as these. By using positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption. We choose emotionally "correct" words over emotionally-laden words. We speak and write in positive adoption language with the hopes of impacting others so that this language will someday become the norm.

We hope this post has helped with some of the "do's" and "don'ts" when talking about adoption. In our next post we will go over some of the insensitive and inappropriate comments and questions that parents of adopted children, and the children themselves, sometimes face.

Gung Hay Fat Choy!!

The Chinese New Year (or Spring Festival) is the oldest and most celebrated holiday in China. Because the Chinese use a lunar calendar, the date of the Spring Festival changes each year. It takes place at some time during the end of January or the beginning of February. This year it falls on Sunday, February 18, 2007.

The Chinese New Year marks the end of winter and the beginning of spring. It is a time for families to come together and celebrate each other and all of their blessings.

The Chinese calender is based on a 12 year cycle and each year is named after an animal. The year 2007 is the Year of the Pig. People born in the Year of the Pig are said to be honest, sincere and genuine. They have a heart of gold and people admire then tremendously; the best friend anyone can have. (Wonder if our daughter will be born in the Year of the Pig??)

If you'd like to know more about what year you were born in,
click here.

Happy Chinese New Year,
Greg & Laura

By the way, "Gung Hay Fat Choy" = "May prosperity be with you"

Year of the Pig -- Times Square, Hong Kong

Half the Sky

Half the Sky is a foundation that works to help children in orphanages in China. It was created in 1998 by adoptive parents of orphaned Chinese children. Half the Sky's mission is to enrich the lives and enhance the prospects for the babies and children in China who still wait to be adopted, and for those who will spend their childhoods in orphanages. They establish early childhood education, personalized learning for older children, and infant nurture programs to provide the children stimulation, individual attention, and an active learning environment. They have four specific programs that they put into the orphanages - The Baby Sisters Infant Nurture Program, The Little Sisters Preschool Program, The Big Sisters Program, and The Family Village Program.

Their website, www.halfthesky.org , is loaded with information on each of the programs as well as where and how many orphanages they are working in, etc. They also have items for sale, volunteer opportunities in China, and many different ways you can donate to help further their work.

Below is a picture we found on their website showing one of the nurture care centers (playrooms). As you can see, it's a stark contrast to the pictures in our last post.

This is such a wonderful organization, hope you get a chance to check them out. Have a good weekend...

A Closer Look - Orphanages in China

While it's hard to find too many statistics on Chinese orphanages, we've been able to compile some information for you.

We read an article by Dr. Jane Liedtke - CEO/Founder of Our Chinese Daughters Foundation - in which she states there are approximately 1,000 orphanages in China. We have also read that, of these, only 250 are permitted to adopt internationally. There is speculation that the CCAA is working to get more orphanages up to standards, eligible for international adoption.

Life in an orphanage in a developing country can be quite harsh, and while some orphanages do a better job than others, overall, orphanages in China are adequate places staffed by caring people. Guess you could say that they do the best they can with what they are given. More and more children are now being placed in foster homes by the orphanages, giving each child more attention and care in a family environment.

Here are a few pictures of some orphanages. As you can see, the conditions can vary widely. For example, some might have cribs with bedding... while others just have boards.

Below is some rare footage from inside one of the orphanages in China. This video was taken by a parent while visiting the orphanage his daughter came from, an opportunity not granted to many who are adopting in China.

Photo Sharing - Upload Video - Video Sharing - Share Photos

We have heard positive things about changes being made to facilities and a lot of those changes are made possible through the donations and contributions made by parents adopting children.

Hopefully this has given you a clearer picture of what the orphanages are like in China.

Stats what I figured

We've had a few people ask about the number of children that are adopted from China to the United States each year. With a little research here's what we found...

The U.S. Department of State website gives a list of immigrant visas issued to orphans coming to the U.S. From this we learned that the top four countries that U.S. families have adopted from since 2002 are: China, Russia, Gautemala, and Korea (in that order). The number of visas issued for each of those countries in 2005 was: China-7,609; Russia-4,639; Guatemala-3,783; Korea-1,630.

There has been a significant increase in Chinese adoptions in the U.S. over the last several years. Using INS immigrant visas as a tally, the numbers are shown in the graph below. Since 1985 there have been a total of 55,446 adoptions from China to the U.S.

For our next couple of posts, we'll get into some specifics on orphanages in China. We'll talk about conditions, statistics, and other information that will perhaps answer more of your questions and hopefully add a little perspective. Until then, take care.

Perfect Match

We thought we'd talk a bit more about the "matching" process and the CCAA (China Center of Adoption Affairs). Here is a picture we found that shows dossiers that are ready to be matched in the matching room. Although our dossier hasn't made it this far, we'll be there someday... let's just hope they can find us (Where's Waldo?)!

Here is a simple breakdown of what will happen to our dossier: First, the paperwork is sent to China by our agency, it is then logged in (hence the log in date), at some point our information and pictures are entered into the database (this might or might not be part of the log in step), next... many months later... the dossier goes to the "review room", and finally enters the matching room. We've been logged in, and from what we've gathered our dossier is currently waiting to be reviewed.

About the Review Room: The CCAA updates their website periodically to let families know what LIDs have made it through the review room. Last we've heard, they had just finished reviewing dossiers with LIDs of 1/31/06... which means there are 7 more months worth or dossiers to be reviewed before we're in. Once we finally make it here, our dossier will go through an extremely thorough check to make sure it's accurate and complete. If necessary, they can ask us for more information... but we pray everything is smooth sailing. Once we've passed the review room, it's on to the matching room.

About the Matching Room: The CCAA does actually try to match you with your child. Each worker will have a stack of baby files and a stack of dossiers from each agency. For example, they'll take the 6 families in our group and look through our information and pictures and then try to make the best match with the files they are given. It can be based on appearance (yes, we've heard several families say they can see a resemblance), or maybe a hobby (both baby and parents like music, etc.), or sometimes just a feeling they get. They also try very hard to match you with the age you've requested. The CCAA also updates their website stating what LIDs they have matched through... currently they have placed children with families that have a LID through August 25, 2005... our log in date is September 12, 2006.

So, while we're still quite a ways from either of these steps, we thought we would go ahead and explain them so when they happen, you'll know. :-)

We've added a link to the CCAA (on the right side w/ the other links) in case you want to check out their website. The area where they show the review/matching room update is on the far right-hand side of the homepage, toward the bottom (called Documents Processing).

Whew... and that was the cliff notes version! :-\ Take care, folks!

Got Moon Cakes?

In China there are many festivals that are celebrated throughout the year. The second most recognized, after the Chinese New Year, is the Chinese Mid-Autumn Festival. Also known as the Moon Festival, it is held every year on the 15th day of the 8th lunar month of the Chinese calendar. This usually falls somewhere between the middle of September and the middle of October... This year it takes place on October 6th.

The Moon Festival is a time when family and friends get together to give thanks for the summer harvest and admire the mid-autumn harvest moon, which is supposed to be brighter and fuller than any other time of the year. The traditional food enjoyed during this festival is the moon cake, which is a sweet round cake stuffed with a variety of things such as lotus-seed paste, fruit, nuts, ham, or egg yolk.

This will be the first Chinese festival we've celebrated, so we're planning a small get-together with our moms to enjoy some Chinese food and moon cakes. We ordered our cakes from a great Chinese cultural "store" called China Sprout... who has them shipped from a bakery in New York's Chinatown.

Happy Moon Festival Everyone!