"Say WHAT?!!" - Adoption Etiquette Part I

Over the past three years, through our many hours of researching adoption, we have learned a lot... including the use of proper language when speaking about adoption.

We feel this is a very important topic, and so we wanted to share with you the following article from ADOPTIVE FAMILIES magazine, titled "Positive Adoption Language".

The way we talk -- and the words we choose -- say a lot about what we think and value. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption is a way to build a family just as birth is. Both are important but one is not more important than the other.

Choose the following positive adoption language instead of the negative talk that helps perpetuate the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language, you'll reflect the true nature of adoption, free of innuendo.

Negative - Real parent
Positive - Birthparent

Negative - Natural parent
Positive - Biological parent

Negative - Own child
Positive - Birth child

Negative - Foreign adoption
Positive - Intercountry adoption

Negative - An Unwanted child
Positive - Child placed for adoption

Negative - Handicapped child
Positive - Child with special needs

Negative - Foreign child
Positive - Child from abroad

Negative - Is adopted
Positive - Was adopted

Words not only convey facts, they also evoke feelings. When a TV movie talks about a "custody battle" between "real parents" and "other parents ", society gets the wrong impression that only birthparents are real parents and that adoptive parents aren't real parents. Members of society may also wrongly conclude that all adoptions are "battles".

Positive adoption language can stop the spread of misconceptions such as these. By using positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption. We choose emotionally "correct" words over emotionally-laden words. We speak and write in positive adoption language with the hopes of impacting others so that this language will someday become the norm.

We hope this post has helped with some of the "do's" and "don'ts" when talking about adoption. In our next post we will go over some of the insensitive and inappropriate comments and questions that parents of adopted children, and the children themselves, sometimes face.